Homosexuality has been like a Zen riddle. The riddle was: How do I deal with my homosexuality? Do I accept it or reject it or freak out, or do I go into it and find out what it is? Another problem: Is it something public? Anything that common is public; anything that happens to us is as good or bad as anything else as a subject for poetry. It’s actual. So I can write naturally about my own homosexuality. The poems get misinterpreted as promotion of homosexuality. Actually, it’s more like promotion of frankness, about any subject. If you’re a foot fetishist, you write about feet; or if you’re a stock-market freak, you can write about the rising sales-curve erections in the Standard Oil chart. When a few people get frank about homosexuality in public, it breaks the ice; then anybody can be frank about anything. That’s socially useful.

FROM THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW WITH ALLEN GINSBERG

It’s taken me so long to accept myself, even though I have always known I was gay. My greatest joy has been giving into homosexuality and released my true nature. It has been the best decision I ever made accepting myself for who and what I am. I am a homosexual man and just wish I had accepted it year’s ago.

Tyler

10 thoughts on “A Zen Riddle?

  1. I had a hard time accepting my homosexuality. I married a woman twenty years ago. At the time I thought I was bisexual, although she didn’t know it. But over the past 5 years or so, I’ve come to realize that I’m a homosexual. I only masturbate to men, my only fantasies are men, even when I have sex with my wife.
    I started watching gay porn a few years ago and I had never been so turned on. I also sucked a few cocks in college, but I thought I was just experimenting. But it wasn’t. I loved sucking cock. Homosexuality wasn’t as accepted at the time(late 80’s). During college, I did have several girl friends that questioned my sexuality. I would always pretend to get offended. In reality I was relieved that they might know. I even had a friend that told me “ I know you’re gay.” I asked her how she knew. She said there’s something about the way you act when hot guys are around!!
    Finally in my late 40’s I began to accept the cock lover I am. I have embraced my love for the masculine! As of now, my wife still doesn’t know, but I think she suspects. I’m hoping to soon open up to her.

    1. Lol! Your life is getting ready
      To change. I agree, I was married 25 years. Struggled through most of it and knew other married buds.
      It’s ok if it’s just sex, but I love a man and we are happy.
      You know you will be happier, I am.

    2. Hey brother, it’s up to you to decide when to come out to your wife. Although, I would advice you to do so sooner rather than late. Time is wasting, both yours, and hers.
      You may expect there to be hurt feelings and bruised egos. Some women don’t take that kind of news well, and internalize it and think that she ”made you gay”. She may be mad at you for wasting her youth by not coming out sooner, etc.
      Whatever happens, you must ride it out, and see it through. It will be tough, but you can do it. You may feel bad for her, understand her… but you can’t sacrifice your whole life and happiness for her, or you will grow into a sad, impotent shadow of a man.

      Don’t settle for the comfort of the known, but instead embrace the unknown. You stand on the cusp of a life of freedom, and maybe even a second ”puberty” of sorts. When a man takes that step and starts leading the life he’s always been meant for, it’s a profound experience. One that I share. It wasn’t until I fully embraced my homosexuality that I finally felt like a real man.
      And remember, you are no less of a man for being homo. You are more.

      Good luck, bro.

    3. Thanx Shane for sharing so freely and generously with us . Big hugs and kisses from Michigan.

    4. Once more time religion and human mentality wanted to change what is a part of natural instinct and define what is good and what is bad .. we have sex and procreate like animals , but only human think that we are better and different .. in fact we are worse as we di not accept our nature , we pervert what is life nature in name if an ideal , we undergo to silly beliefs , dictated by some illuminated trolls , and on what they think that Males and females acting MIGHT SHOULD BE !
      This has to be changed each of us is a warrior militant ! It will takes time but will change !

    5. Hey Shane
      Your life story sounds very like my own. I’m now over 60 still married to a woman and a raging queer. I get some physical relief 9once a month from a hot male masseuse who rims sucks and fucks me. Don’t wait cum out now and have some man fun while you can.
      Gary x

    6. I can identify with everything you have said. I have walked the same path. I am married and my wife doesn’t know the truth about me, but I believe she suspects. I am very much attracted to men…primarily masculinity. I Ned someone I can talk to discreetly.

  2. It’s taken me so long to accept myself, even though I have always known I was gay. My greatest joy has been giving into homosexuality and released my true nature. It has been the best decision I ever made accepting myself for who and what I am. I am a homosexual man and just wish I had accepted it year’s ago.

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